


The Things About Us

by AdrianHunter



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: AU, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauder's Era, Redemption, Romance, Severus & Lily Brotp, Slow Build, mild swearing, sixth year
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianHunter/pseuds/AdrianHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The things about us that don't show, the things about us that we don't know.<br/>The love we accept and the love we reject.<br/>Some things we don't deserve, some things we regret. Maybe we shouldn't be forgiven, maybe we shouldn't be loved, blaming ourselves constantly for the past that won't come, these things, these things about us tearing us apart, from the people that we once were</p><p> </p><p>All characters belong to the Great J.K Rowling.</p><p>ON HIATUS + EDITING</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Thing About James

The Things about Us

-Hunter

Chapter 1: The Thing about James

_There are many many things I would like to say to you_

_But I’ve lost my way and lost my world_

_“The Weight of My Words”_

_-Kings of Convenience_

 

Despite what everyone thought, James Potter really wasn’t what everyone thought he was.

Proud Gryffindor he was, brave, well that was definitely true; smart in certain departments, accurate, and that winning personality that was his signature trait. James Potter was practically the epitome of the Gryffindor house.

Or so they thought.

James didn’t hate Potions class as much as everyone thought he did, he wasn’t in anyway a Gryffindor hero like everyone thought he was (Because come on, it was just that one time that he saved that first year Hufflepuff from drowning in the lake, and he’d been scared shitless that the giant squid would get him, and yes there actually was a giant squid in the lake), and of course, James Potter really wasn’t wanking about Lily Evans , in fact, he could care less about that girl.

It’s almost funny how that last one came about; he didn’t even know how that one had started, because all he remembers is being nice to her that one time in first year during lunch. Even though she didn’t respond in any way that could be thought as friendly. It was about pumpkin juice or something and big mouth Sirius just had to start gossiping like a regular girl and so that myth was born. He really made Sirius regret ever saying anything.

Truth of it was James Potter really wasn’t what everyone thought he was, he never ever found Lily remotely attractive but that was maybe because he never liked her at all, but that was just common jealousy.

Which brings us to the biggest surprise about James Potter, but then again, if you really had the brains and saw the signs of the day to day alterations, saw the ways James’ eyes shone with something that wasn’t hate, something that wasn’t dislike. If you saw that James Potter was acting, saw that he didn’t mean the things he did, didn’t mean the things he said, you would see that James Potter did not hate Severus Snape.

It was plain and simple; James Potter didn’t hate Severus Snape at all. No it was actually much more than that, there were so many levels and layers and history between them, there were so many unspoken things, there were so many unheard one sided conversations in between it all. James felt more than that, he felt more than he’d ever felt on anything else when it came to Severus.

James was deeply in love with him.

It made sense and didn’t make sense at the same time.

~~~~~

Going back to his first memory of the platform, nine and three quarters, he remembered his parents sending him off onto the Hogwarts express. Goodbyes had been said, his dad told him not to worry and that he’d definitely do him proud, his mother was fighting back tears at the sight of her baby going off to school so soon. It was like he was just born yesterday and now he was eleven and going off to school.

After the farewell hugs and kisses, he was on the train with his trunk full of all the necessities for this term. It was exciting to say the least and absolutely nerve-wracking too, feelings that shouldn’t have been mixed together.

It was still early as he looked and found the train quite empty, parents already gone; he decided to find a suitable compartment in the back. As he passed each compartment he met a few students that uttered friendly ‘hello’s to him. James wasn’t at all worried about his people skills; he was often told that he had a winning personality and he had friends back at home to prove this was quite true.

After finding the perfect compartment, he put down his things and sat there, thinking to himself about this whole new wizarding experience he was about to have.

Before long, he heard some laughter and movement in the next compartment coming closer, then his compartment door opened and he found himself in the presence of two other first year boys, no less excited than he was. One of them of had short black hair, and wore robes that looked quite expensive, maybe he was from those rich wizarding families. Whatever one might think of him looking at his robes would be erased when one looked at his smile, he could probably brighten up a whole room with that smile. The other boy wasn’t as well off from the judge of his attire, but he too had kind features, he smiled almost shyly, his brown hair sweeping his forehead at the same time.

“Hello”, said the dark haired one almost anxiously, he then continued “Do you mind if we sit with you?”

 “Sure, mate”, was the reply. James was certain he’d just made new friends. They dumped their trunks and shrug off their cloaks and took their seats next to him.

“Oh and the name’s Black, Sirius Black”, the dark haired boy smirked and shook James’ hands.

“And this is a weird kid I met just now”, he added as the other boy gave his hand as well, “Lupus or Rupus  I think”, annoying the brown haired boy as if they had gone through that several times.

“It’s Remus Lupin”, he sighed, “Nice to meet you as well”, giving James a big smile. It warmed him; they could become his potential best friends.

“I’m James Potter, pleased to meet you”.

~~~~

James was happy so far; he encountered two boys that he found were really interesting people. He found out they had a lot in common, like their love for Quidditch, the fact that they all thought they were going to be Gryffindor’s (which they did become) except for Sirius’ and James’ undying hatred for the singer Wilhelmina Warbeck which was not reciprocated by Remus because she happened to be Remus’ favorite singer and that actually caused an argument.

“She can sing, James, you have to admit that, all anybody does nowadays is spell their voice to sound nice, but she actually has natural talent unlike a lot of people and her songs mean something”, Remus argued ,annoyed at the blind ignorance of his friends.

“Mate, her songs are gross, about feelings and girls and stuff, it’s gross, urgh” James’ said with mock disgust, earning a good laugh from Sirius.

“I told you, didn’t I? You have horrible taste in music, Wilhelmina of all people? I’d rather listen to Grindelwald himself sing”

And the argument went on and on until Remus was upset and James offered to get him something from the food trolley a couple of compartments back, the train was almost full with students and ready to go now so without a doubt he could go get something now, Remus accepted this as an apology and continued talking to Sirius as James searched for the food trolley.

He met quite the number of students this time around, talking excitedly, sharing jokes, he also admired the upper years, how tall they were, how educated they already were, how he could look up to them, how they seemed so sophisticated without even doing anything.

James wanted to be that type of person.

Getting pumpkin juice from the food trolley was more boring than one would think; still it was something he hadn’t done before, so he savored the moment, in all its tediousness.

Then the train started.

‘Well, it’s happening now, I suppose’, he thought to himself.

He entered a compartment that he thought was previously empty, busy counting the galleons he had from the change at the food trolley. By accident he dropped one of them, it bounced on the floor and rolled around and came to a stop at someone’s black boot ,but before he could pick it up, James saw a pale hand reaching for it and picking it up.

And when James looked up, and to this day, he could say the same, he saw the saddest eyes he’d ever encountered in his entire life. Those dark brown eyes followed by hollow cheeks, a straight nose and accompanied by the somewhat haunted expression of the boy. He had shoulder length black hair, as he moved, some dark locks fell to his left eye, hiding it, and the boy had his lips parted as if to say something, but quickly thought better of it. His fingers, long and elegant almost brushed James’ as he placed the galleon in his hand. Upon further inspection one would notice that he didn’t have scruffy boyish features; he had something else, something hard to explain. But the boy was a deadly pale color as if he’d lived in dungeons his entire life and the contrast of that against his black hair and black robes made him look ethereal in a deathly way.

So beautiful, so dead.

The boy turned to the window and James’ found himself appreciating how the light hit his face.

Then realizing he was staring, he strode out without a thank you.

James felt heavier.

~~~~

He was much quieter after he got back, just after handing his friends their pumpkin juice. Sirius and Remus noticed the change his mood but they didn’t mind, they quieted down as well. Then after a while, thought they should rest a bit during this trip and leave James alone to think.

They didn’t take long to fall asleep.

James wondered just how far Scotland was.

He studied his companions for a while. He could hear Sirius’ soft snoring as he watched his friends’ sleeping faces, studying them, looking for something, but he didn’t find it. He turned to enjoy the view outside.

With his head resting against the window, young James thought of many things.

~~~~

“…and then Arthur tripped him and his cauldron completely tipped onto Malfoy’s head and turned the git’s hair purple, I swear to God, he looked like he was about to cry, best potions class ever!”, said Sirius loudly snapping him out of his reminiscence. There was a lot of laughter at the Gryffindor table at Sirius’ ramblings, which he found he barely listened to nowadays.

There were a lot of things he didn’t do lately. But he would hid all his problems under his mask, it was best that no one knew anything at all, all they would do was pester him with questions and give him their pitying faces. James never wanted any pity, he loathed pity.

But when the time came and people actually talked to James, made jokes with him, studied with him, he would put on that act. That act that made everyone think he was okay.

A lot of things didn’t excite him anymore, Quidditch bored him now, what with Gryffindor always winning, hanging around the Gryffindor tower playing chess or Exploding Snaps in the common room had no appeal what so ever, Hogsmeade weekends were almost as boring as any other day, pranking people seemed so immature, which was why Sirius did it almost daily. Even the thought of life after school made him nauseous, oh how he was asked the same question over and over and over.

_What are you going to do after Hogwarts?_

_I don’t know,_ he would say.

But then someone else would come back the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day asking the same fucking question and he would give the same fucking answer over and over and over again.

The only thing that kept him going besides the constant mothering of Remus and Sirius and the fact that he was breathing was a certain black haired Slytherin.

Severus Snape.

Thinking about Severus was a daily occurrence, hourly, minutely, secondly if you wanted specifics.

Thinking about Severus would get his heart beating for the right reason and not for the fact that it just beat.

Thinking about Severus made James almost happy.

James needed something to live for, and Severus was that ‘something’.

Severus was always that something.

James would sometimes think that he should have been told what to expect when dealing with ‘Love’, six years of dealing with this ‘Love’ was exhausting, it was a rigorous journey and even more so when you had to deal with it head on every day.

 _Love hurt_ , James would think.

It would deliberately let you fall for someone who would never love you back, let you feel a rock in your stomach when you see them, let you worry about how you look when they see you, let you wonder if they ever thought about you, if you ever mattered enough,  if they ever dreamt of you, let you wonder how it would feel to be smiled at, let you daydream about how it would feel to kiss them, hold them, ruffle their hair, look into their eyes and say you love them.

James sighed long and deep.

 _Love hurt_ , James would think.

You feel it when they ignore you as if you don’t matter, you feel it when you hurt them for the first time and they looked so scared and hopeless and instead of bullying them around you want to pounce on them and hug them and kiss them and hold them and whisper sweet nothings in their ears, you feel it when you do the exact opposite, you feel it when you’re not acting out your feelings, you feel it when others makes fun of them, you feel it when you have to laugh at them too, you feel it when they look at you and you know they hate you so much for what you did and still do, you feel it when you make them feel like they’re nothing.

_But they’re not nothing, not like you, no, they are everything._

_Your everything._

_But you,_

_You are nothing but a coward._

James Potter was nothing but a coward.

~~~~

He looked up from his plate, stopping the staring contest he was having with it, he didn’t eat anything on it.Food didn’t interest him when he was in such moods. These moods would hit him every now and then, but lately more often than he would like ever since coming back from the holidays.

Maybe because it was his sixth year and in two years he'd be leaving Hogwarts.

‘Imagine that, six years already?’ He thought to himself.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when he stepped onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time, arguing with Remus and Sirius about Wilhelmina Warbeck. She was still loathed by James and Sirius despite all the years of hanging out with Remus.

James had to stifle a laugh at that.

And of course dropping a galleon on a certain someone’s foot.

Tilting his head and resting one side of his face on his palm, he searched the Slytherin table for a familiar dark head. And there he was, reading when he should’ve been eating.

James chuckled this time and it was real.

Sometimes James really missed him, missed the daily confrontations, missed how Severus would look at him even if it his eyes were clouded with hate. He would pretend that it wasn’t hate and maybe even something more, he would hope, the hope he knew he shouldn’t have, the hope didn’t deserve to have.

~~~~

Severus died once.

That cool summer night during sixth year.

      He was flying over the Shrieking Shack and he wasn’t even supposed to be out that late, one wonders how many detentions he could’ve gotten if he had been caught by the teachers or prefects.

It was something that he did then, something that reminded him that he was alive.

Then he heard the scream. Going against all rational thought, James headed in the direction of the noise.

When he finally saw a shape on the dark he jumped onto the ground before his broom even landed. At first he didn’t know what it was laid on the ground a distance away from him.

It was too dark to see anything, and all he could see was the outline of a something, something that looked like a body. He took slow steady steps, getting closer to figuring what it was. It had to be a human body now, the shape was just perfect.

Two steps away from the body and James had stopped, he’d not even taken a good look at what was at his feet when he’d dropped to knees next to the crumpled body and started crying.

It was Severus.

There on the floor of the ground was Severus Snape bleeding everywhere. He had a huge gash that went across his neck that was dripping blood onto his face.

Dark red blood against white skin, as if it’d been painted on him.

But it wasn’t.

James caressed his face for the first and last time.

James stopped thinking, he’d never felt so weak, he’d never felt so devastated, he’d never felt this heart –broken. He cried and cried and cried.

There on the floor of the forest ground laid Severus Snape, face shining in the moonlight, dead. So young was he, only sixteen.

‘So beautiful, so dead.’ he remembered himself thinking that, not so long ago.

How ironic?

James held up Severus’ body to his own, holding him like it was the last time he’d ever hold anything he’d ever loved again.

And he did, burying his face in Severus’ black hair that was now silvery in the moonlight. He’d always wanted to bury his face in that hair and now he’d gotten what he wanted.

“I nev-er even tol- tol-told you” James coughed through sobs, still holding him ever so close.

“Se-ve-rus, wh-y, yo-u can’t die, y- y- you can’t di-e, please- plea-se, pleas-e,

I did-‘t e-e- even t-ell you I never- nev-er- even told you th-at, I, that I, tha-”

He just stopped trying, he owed it to the both of them to live with this, and he wouldn’t do this now.

James didn’t know how much time had passed when he felt it.

He felt a faint exhale of breath on his cheek, slowly he put his ear to Severus’ heart praying he wasn’t hallucinating, at first he didn’t hear anything and wanted to go back to grieving when he heard a pulse, it was so faint, but it was there. He wasn’t dead.

Severus wasn’t dead.

James gently carried the dark haired boy and mounted the broom with him. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he had to get to the infirmary as fast as possible. Positioning them so he had wrapped Severus by the waist and rest his body against James’, face on his shoulder, James really hoped that the broom would hold their weight or both of them would die tonight.

When they arrived at the castle, James made so much noise that by the time he got to the infirmary, he’d already woken up the short, snouty faced healer, Mrs. Datruacty. The healer didn’t ask any questions, she just grabbed Severus from James and told him to go and get some sleep and that she’d inform him when Mr. Snape was ready for visitors.

As much as James wanted to protest and demand he stay there, he knew he couldn’t do that.

What if Severus woke up and thought James did it to him? What if his friends looked for him and found James there? What if they found out that James actually loved Severus? What if?

He couldn’t do anything but go, but he wasn’t going to go back to the tower, unshrinking the invisibility cloak he had brought to the Quidditch pitch, he put it on and sat on the floor.

With his head leaning against the wall, young James thought of many things.

~~~~

James fell into a troubled sleep.

He didn’t notice a Lily Evans entering the infirmary door, he didn’t feel his cloak falling off and revealing his face, he didn’t hear a closing door and a quiet ‘Leviosa’, he didn’t feel himself being put on his bed.

James woke up the next morning, feeling disoriented, wondering how he ended up in his bed because he wa-

Severus.

He jumped out of the bed, not even noticing that he was wearing the same bloodied shirt from yesterday and slammed the dorms door open and went down the stairs so fast, he found himself on the floor all flustered, confused, and scared.

He didn’t immediately hear the shouting that was going on, he didn’t immediately realize that it was Remus shouting and he didn’t immediately realize it was Sirius that Remus was shouting at.

That was the day that James found out that his best friend Remus for five years was a werewolf. It was also the day that he found out that Sirius had lured Severus into the The Shrieking Shack to where the Whomping Willows was, knowing that it was a full moon that night. He wanted Severus to see werewolf Remus and get scared against his wit. Apparently it was payback for an insult that was made earlier during the day.

James remembered very clearly that he punched Sirius so hard he broke his jaw and didn’t talk to him for weeks. He didn’t punch Remus because he knew that he was also a victim of Sirius’ prank, but he was still hurt by the fact that Remus didn’t tell him that he was a werewolf and told Sirius and look where that got them now? So he ignored both of them for a month.

Sirius and Remus were called to the headmaster’s office that morning. They both saw Severus in the infirmary two weeks later and apologized.

James didn’t.

Everything was different after that.

The week after was summer holiday and it had been a month since they came back and the still hadn’t crossed paths.

~~~~

Still James hoped. He hoped despite it all.

He missed Severus.

To be honest, James would rather have Severus in any way than in no way at all. And he wasn’t ashamed to admit that.

Severus was always reading, you see, so you could probably find him in the library if he wasn’t helping the potions professor, Professor Wundt with some potions seeing how he was the professor’s potions assistant. Severus loved potions.

As he looked down to scribble something on his parchment, locks of dark hair fell to his face, hiding his left eye.

Sometimes James would wonder how it felt if he tucked them behind his and caressed Severus’ face once more.

And at that moment as if it were a spell, Severus tucked the dark locks behind his ear, never looking up from the table, busy with his book and parchment.

James closed his eyes and sighed.

He wanted someone who would never want him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say?  
> I'm glad it's finally happened. :)  
> Thanks to my cousin K for reading through this, even though he's deeply heterosexual and was once a homophobe(thanks to my constant bickering)  
> I don't have a beta for this, cause this isn't a popular ship, but if you guys like it enough, I might just be content with going through the beta process myself or someone could volunteer?Haha
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Love always, Adrian
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: OMG I feel like an idiot, I uploaded the wrong version of chapter one!But it wont really change much as there's just some changes in details, just minor though, sorry for the inconvenience! :(


	2. You, Me, Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Lily have some moments.  
> James sees Severus and vice versa, not quite the happy reunion.  
> Remus realizes some things.

The Things about Us

-Hunter

Chapter 2: You, Me, Them

_I don’t think about you anymore, but I don’t think about you any less._

_\- Ghosts_

“Severus.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“Lily.”

“Don’t ‘Lily’ me.”

“Lily.”

“I know something’s wrong.”

 “It’s really nothing, I swe-“

“Don’t you even dare say swear, do you honestly think after all we’ve been through that I’d believe that for a fucking second?”

Severus took a long look at Lily.

Long auburn hair in a messy bun, with locks falling to her face with every movement, she was breathing heavily through her nose, obviously upset.

Even though she was upset, she still managed to look electrifying.

Severus’ eyes dropped from her gaze and he focused on fingering the helm of the silk night-dress she was wearing. It was lavender and he could see that it really went well with her skin tone even in the dimness of the room. He had gotten it for her as a we-both-made-it-into-sixth-year kind of gift, it was originally a joke, seeing as it really resembled lingerie and that was quite the inappropriate gift to give your only friend who just happened to be a female.( Believe it or not, Severus had a sense of humor) But Severus saw that dress in a muggle shop during the holidays and thought it really suited Lily, he saw it every day for 3 more weeks until he had saved enough money to go and buy it. He made it a surprise too, which wasn’t easy, seeing how he actually spent the most time he’d ever spent with her last summer holiday. They met almost every day, doing ordinary teenage things, exploring, dancing, shopping even(Lily did most of it actually), reading under the shades, little picnics, singing, laughing and wow was it the best summer he’d ever had.

He started smiling at the memory of it all. Here was this girl that he met when he was eleven, struggling to come to terms with the fact that she was a witch and having been just rejected by her sister for probably the rest of her life, Severus made an instant connection with her, he reached out and she accepted. To her she was the one being accepted, but in it was Severus who was actually being accepted. Lily was the first person who’d ever accepted him.

And Severus was grateful for that, she was his only and best friend and Severus was never ever going to take advantage of that.

“Lily...”He started softly as softly as it could get for Severus, running his hands through her hair, not looking at her eyes. This was such an awkward gesture for him, he didn’t know what to do with his hands afterwards. He sighed and the smile he’d had faded slowly, “I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want to bother you, I know that it hasn’t been easy for us... “, a slight pause, because it wasn’t easy for Severus to just talk like that, and she probably knew that too, so he continued, “Well, it’s just that they haven’t stopped,” He said quiet as a whisper, still refusing to meet her eyes.

She was gazing into his eyes now, but he still refused to acknowledge that, she had figured out what it was.

 “You’ve been having the dream”, more of a statement than a question but in it he heard the slight falter, she was trying to keep her voice strong.

Severus waited a moment before nodding.

“How often?”

“Every day since we’ve been back.”

“Every day?” She exclaimed, then after a moment, “We’ve been back a month, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, because I just keep remembering and not remembering, there’re days I forget, then days I can’t seem to forget and it feels so real, it feels so real...”He said in a murmur. ”It’s just so unreal and real, I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

 He closed his eyes and felt Lily’s arms close around his waist and pull him to sit on her bed. Lily looked at him, like the way Lily looked at people and put her head against his shoulder and Severus held her hand on his thigh. And they just sat there like that, looking at the walls of the room or looking at each other, with only the sounds of their breaths breaking the silence of room.

~~~~

“Do you know you have four walls, Lily?”  Severus asked strangely after a while of their staring game.

“Yes, I’ve noticed something like that.” She wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything they were just talking about.

“But you only have one ceiling,” Severus said softly and turned to smile at her. It made her warm. Severus’ smile reminded her of summer, shopping trips, mango juice, stargazing, and strawberry lollipops.

“I want to brush your hair, it’s too...” Lily suddenly pointed out.

“It’s too?”

“It’s too... you know” She made hand gestures to try best to explain the state of his hair.

Sighing Severus then said, “Well, whatever the lady wants the lady gets, even if my hair’s not that messy.”

Once he said that, Lily got up and put a chair near the window of her room. And outside they could see that the moon was out tonight, it was getting close to the full moon then, just a couple more cycles. And that thought made Lily almost shiver in remembrance.

She put her attention on Severus again and motioned him to sit in the chair, he did it without any objections, and he sat there silently looking out the window.

Lily motioned for something on the table next to her bed and began to run her fingers through Severus’ hair. He’d always had long black hair that hid most of his face and it always covered mostly his left side. But Lily had to agree, it was a good look for him, and although it wasn’t as long as Lucius’ hair which always reached the small of his back, Lily preferred how it would be a small distance after his shoulders.

Lily preferred a lot of things about Severus.

She got the something that was actually a brush and began to brush Severus’ hair, brushing each dark strand into place. She always loved doing this, it was kind of like bonding, maybe.

Lily brushed and brushed and brushed, Severus thought and thought and thought. Then Lily started to remember, some of the old memories they had between them. Things from not long ago.

Rejection, sadness, denial, acceptation, love.

Love, happiness, acceptation.

Love, sadness.

Love.

Sadness.

Thinking back on it, Lily felt a lot of things. She looked at the back of her friend’s head, thinking about it all, all the feelings in between. Some that show, some locked up, some in-between. She supposed most of the things that happened were worth it, worth all the heartache and pain and whatnot, maybe it really was, maybe.

~~~~~

“Lily?” Severus asked as if he was trying to say it casually but not managing to get there completely.

“Yes, Sev?” She answered back warmly.

“Can I sleep here with you tonight?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” She answered in a chuckle.

“Well, yeah, but you know how gentlemanly I am, I would never enter a ladies bed without her consent.” And at that he turned his head and he smirked at her for the first time in a long time.

“And which other lady would you ask to recline in her bed? Dear me, bedding another woman, Severus, if you truly achieved that, I’d be quite surprised”, Lily said in mock surprise.

“Lily, come off it now, we’re only teenagers, no need to start talking like Lucius with all his etiquette nonsense.”

“Oh Sev, now, I thought you _liked_ that” Lily teased and put down her brush.

“Li-Lily!” He spluttered utterly shocked and disgusted at what she just said or implied in this matter.

“Oh so you’re not denying it “Severus got up from the chair as if electrified, but because Lily was much more athletic, she had already made it across the room, “Come on, Sev, I saw the way you looked at him during potions, like he was the most important thing in the world!” Then Lily grabbed the end of her night-dress and twirled.

“That was a look of utter disgust, Lily, I sincerely hope you don’t believe a word of whatever you’re saying.” He said, looking like he just eaten flobberworms.

 “Oh Severusss”, She swung her hips from side to side, flipped her hair back and forth and spoke in her best Lucius Malfoy imitation, “Oh Severussss, I find your eerie gothic look unbearably enticing and exciting but even more so your ass and Merlin forbid, nothing is meant to make a Malfoy excited but I couldn’t resist a look when you bent over to pick up your quill during potions” And at that Lily made manly oozing noises. (Which was weird because oozing noises weren’t supposed to be manly)

“I promised never to hurt a lady, but Lily, I’m beginning to reconsider that resolve” He warned, but Lily never really saw that as a warning, because come on what’s a couple of jokes among two friends.

“Oh really, we’ll see then” And before Severus knew it, Lily had opened the door and starting running, at first he didn’t get why she felt the need to run, then he heard her bellowing in the halls and that’s when he took to his feet as well, praying to Merlin, he would not murder his one and only best friend.

“Oh Lucius, did you know-! She shouted a couple feet ahead of him running towards the Slytherin dorms, in her nightgown barefoot and oh for Merlin’s sake, _in her nightgown,_ as if they wouldn’t get in enough trouble for being outside the dorms past curfew, making noise and now public indecency as well? And the fact that he’d forgotten to get his wand, all the more depressing.

_I just wanted to visit my oh-so-good friend, what have I done to deserve this?_ He thought helplessly as he ran after her trying to avoid running into anyone as much as possible. Then another thought came to him.

_But then again what have I done to deserve most things? What have I done, to deserve them?_

Severus was so deep in thought, that he didn’t notice that there was a cloaked figure that suddenly appeared in front of him, and Severus was running quite fast, to the sound of Lily’s running feet. The person whoever it was right in front of him wasn’t any better off, apparently he hadn’t seen Severus coming as well so naturally they found themselves crashing together on the cold marble floor.

At first Severus didn’t know, he really didn’t.

If he knew, he wouldn’t have muttered a “Sorry” to the person he had fallen on.

If he knew he wouldn’t have taken his time getting up, pushing himself off the cloaked person.

If he knew he wouldn’t have been shocked to find a pair of familiar hazel eyes staring at him.

If he knew he wouldn’t have forgotten all about Lily and quickly walked back to her room.

If he knew he wouldn’t have taken deep breaths to calm himself down from having a heart attack from the memories that were triggered with said person’s appearance.

Severus really wouldn’t have to, if he knew it was James Potter.

James Potter, who he remembered as that boy six years ago.

James Potter, who bullied him, called him names, hurt him.

James Potter, who saved him.

James Potter, who never cared.

There was once a time, he wanted him to care, but that was so long ago. Just like the scars that Severus had or the feelings that came with them, he would tell himself. Those happened a long time ago, no need to remember, they could be buried just like everything else, they could go away, if you tried hard enough. Everything went away sooner or later.

 

~~~~

By the time Lily came in, which wasn’t that long after, he was still nowhere to sleeping, partly because he was afraid of what would happen if he let himself close his eyes and fall into the darkness, and partly because he just couldn’t. But he didn’t want to let Lily see him like this, he didn’t want Lily to worry as much as she always did, he didn’t want that.

So he just lay there, pretending to be asleep, head in the blankets, with only his black hair spread against the cream pillows he rest his head on. Then he felt Lily climb into bed next to him.

“Severus?” She asked quietly.

He almost, almost replied but thought the better of it.

He waited for her to say something again, but she didn’t. She just moved closer to him and lay her head next to his, Severus felt bad for not turning to her, but, no just not today.

_Not today_ , he kept thinking to himself before he fell asleep while the person next to him wondered if she should give him a dreamless sleep potion, or if she should hum that song that Severus liked so much or wake him up and talk about it, or if that it was enough, or if she would ever be enough.

 

~~~~

Remus didn’t know what to do anymore.

He realized this after James came back from sneaking out and entered the common room, he’d been doing it on once in a while even after Remus found out, but Remus supposed that was because he said that it wasn’t such a big deal and he shouldn’t get caught, and he didn’t want James to stop being James.

James looked at him and gave him a fake smile that most wouldn’t know was fake and said “G’night, mate”, and Remus just let him go like that, knowing that there was something wrong. They’d been something wrong for a long time.

And the sad realization came to him, that James wasn’t really James anymore.

Just like Sirius pretended to be Sirius, like Lily stopped being Lily and Remus...

Well, Remus was a lot of things, but he couldn’t help feeling as if he’d lost something. Something that was important, that was all of the sudden forgotten with the hustle and bustle of growing up and the things happening around him, with him and to him. He supposed that maybe he’d get it back one day, maybe Sirius would actually laugh, James’ would actually play Quidditch again and Lily would talk to them again.

Then maybe, he’d stop hating himself, maybe he’d stop feeling ashamed, maybe he’d stop feeling like a monster. The monster that-

_No, I’m not going to think about it_ , he told himself.

Remus rubbed his eyes more than he needed to and out his hand over his face. Maybe a couple minutes later, he got a blanket and covered himself as he positioned himself into a more comfortable sleeping position on the sofa nearest to the warm Gryffindor fireplace. He didn’t really feel like getting up and climbing the steps to sleep upstairs. He just tucked his wand and drank the dreamless sleep potion that he had in his pocket and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got motivated to write this faster than usual by a reviewer on FF, and you know I've had Chap 1 since Christmas and I never posted it, so it took me what, 4-5 days? I know, I know, I'm slow and constantly suffer from writer's block.
> 
> So basically severus feels, lily feels, james feels, remus feels, tell me if you like reading me write about the feels, or do you guys think I'm wasting time? I'd love to know what you guys feel.(hahah, no pun intended)  
> Yeah I changed the summary because I realized this won't just be about James and Severus, because the story is "The Things About Us", the things about James and Severus and the people around them. For our beloved Sev, Lily and for James, Remus and Sirius.( Even Sirius will get a bit of the spotlight)
> 
> However I felt as if I was missing something when I wrote this anyway I can file this under "How to spend your mid-term break where you just can't seem to do anything productive but be a hikikomori and listen to Patrick Wolf."
> 
> P.S: This story is still un-betad so hmmph, we shall see as we go on
> 
> P.P.S: Hope you don't find it disgustingly feelly, you know, oh, and this is horribly short.


	3. Attempts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus thinks its time, old friends come back , friendships are strained and heartbreak never stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't know what happened, I was sad, very very sad and hence this chapter was born.
> 
> I'm sorry in advance. I tend to channel my emotions.
> 
> P.S: What happens in the common room is still a wonder to me, I think I was intoxicated, nah, just kidding still underage. :/
> 
> Please enjoy more feels, feels and I'll be introducing an OC next chapter.

The Things about Us

-Hunter

Chapter 3: Attempts

_Beautiful boy,_

_You should have taken the chance._

_When you had it, when you had it._

_“Pitchers”_

_\- Toro Y Moi_

 

 _“I’m sorry_ ”

_“I’m sorry for almost killing you.”_

_“I know I apologized, but I’m sorry for trying to kill you, I wasn’t able to connect to my human self.”_

Remus wrote before he crossed that sentence for what seemed like the hundredth time.

_No, no, no, no. It all seems too impersonal._

_“I’m sorry about that night, I really didn’t mean to kill you, and I know I’ve hurt you, can we be friends?”_

_Can we be friends? -_ He crossed that one as well. It seemed it was much harder to actually put feelings on a paper than compared to just having them in your head. Looking at the now dirty parchment with ink blots here and there, words crossed out, Remus cast a quick erasing spell and a cleaning spell to start all over again. He had to find a way to be sincere without sounding cheesy so he could be taken seriously and the recipient wouldn’t find his letter offensive or a joke.

Remus held his quill and surveyed his surroundings for the first time since he’d entered the Great Hall for breakfast this morning. Sirius who sat opposite him was having what sounded like an argument with Arthur, James who sat next to him had been awfully quiet and all he’d done was pick with his food, which was becoming a habit lately. And way down the table sat Lily who seemed just as absent as the rest save Sirius who was pretending nonetheless.

“People should be more honest with their feelings”, James suddenly said that Remus looked at his friend, as in, really looked at his friend for the first time in a long time.

His- well his eyes, his hazel eyes, which was always one of his best features, just looked empty-absent-distant-dead, his hair seemed shabby, his golden tan almost faded, his person far away. Remus wondered where he was, wondered if he could send a flower to his heart and mind, warm it up somehow, but James seemed to be lamenting, but, why for and who for? Remus asked himself. Could he help? Or maybe he wasn’t supposed to help, but he cared, James was his friend, you’re supposed to care about your friends, it’s only proper.

It was so clear, James really wasn’t James anymore. And Remus couldn’t really do much about it. Propping himself from his left elbow to the left, he tilted to James and decided to ask.

“Are you happy?” Remus asked quietly, He looked James in the eye but James turned.

“No, not really.” James snorted and threw his chair back and descended on a journey of looking at the ceiling of the Great Hall, which in all hindsight, yes, must be a spectacular view, but that could wait, it would probably be there forever whereas, Remus might not. Remus wanted so badly for James to look at him like he was at least worth one look, but Remus guessed he wasn’t really worth it because James never did look at him. So doing the one thing he could, he turned away and- _I won’t be bothered by you anymore- I’m not-_ Stopped his train of thought, focused on listening to the loud clattering and chattering of students, teachers, everyone, just the distraction was what he needed. He needed it, _one-two-three- breathe in and out._

He opened his eyes and thought to himself, he didn’t want to look at James, he didn’t want to look at Sirius and he didn’t want to look at Lily. So his eyes travelled to the Slytherin table where the boy that was at the root of everything sat.

Snape.

 Thinking back on it, Remus never had the chance to really know the boy and he supposed that Snape, but maybe he should call him Severus now, never deserved any of everything that was thrown at him and Remus was sorry that things were the way they were, but at least he was trying to do something about it, even if it failed, they could at least say that he tried to an extent. Even if it was probably a couple years too late.  Well better later than never, they say.

Remus thought about it one more time, took a deep breath and wrote down what he felt. He folded the letter and contemplated for a second whether he should send it by owl, but thought such things are better given or sent in person, and maybe that way Sn-Severus would believe he meant everything he wrote. Knowing that it was either now or never, Remus got up from his chair slowly, brushed off non-existent specks from his robes and began his walk from the Gryffindor table to the Slytherin table. He knew he was going to get some attention from doing what he was doing, but he never knew that everyone was going to stop what they’d previously been doing to look or more like stare at Remus and whatever he was doing.

When he got to the Slytherin table, Remus walked to the end where there sat a black-haired boy busy scribbling on his parchment, probably potions, because he was so darn good at it. Everyone was looking at Remus now, except Severus himself, maybe he was too caught up in his thoughts, because when he finally saw Remus he almost jumped out of his skin with a look of sheer horror, he looked as if he remembered things, he remembered the things Remus never did.

If only Remus could describe how sorry he was, how sorry he was that he’d always be judged by something that he was, sorry that he wasn’t able to control  “him”-self. And at that he winced inwardly, because that’s right, he was that monster, he was it.

Remus didn’t want to dwell, and just interrupted Severus before he could say anything.

“Hello,” He said with a smile, apologetic brown eyes, and a rapidly burning face then handed his letter to Severus, his letter that felt like a thousand hippogriffs.

It could have gone one way or the other. He could have rejected his letter or he could have accepted it, and Severus didn’t exactly react immediately. In fact Remus was just wanted for a harsh remark or something close to _go away_.

Then again life can surprise you.

And it did.

He took the letter nervously, not looking at Remus.

 “It’s for you.”  Remus said quietly and with that he turned and left an extremely terrified boy behind.

~~~~

Remus wasn’t at all surprised when he went back to his table to find some people shocked at what he did, which was just approaching Severus in what he thought was a friendly way, but he supposed being Remus Lupin, friend of Sirius Black and James Potter (famous Severus Snape haters) that they thought he had the same heart, but the truth of it was Remus didn’t feel like he had any reason or right to bully an innocent, plus some other things that he didn’t want to think about. Well, it was time for reparations, definitely, since now he wasn’t as dependent on James and Sirius anymore. People who seemed to be having their own problems and maybe they forgot that they were friends and friends talk about problems or maybe they just didn’t want to be Remus’ friend. The latter, he at least understood and took as an explanation for most of it.

The “it” which was complicated to think about as he was faced with Sirius’ disgusted face and what looked like anger in James’ face.

To be honest, yes, he was surprised that they were that pissed, but it pissed him off even more so that his dear friends that had almost forgotten about him finally wanted to talk but most probably argue or shout at him now that he talked to someone else or a particular someone they didn’t like.

And Remus didn’t like that at all, how can you just conveniently walk in and out of someone’s life like that?  You don’t do that; you’re not supposed to do that.

He didn’t even stay long enough for people to start opening their mouths and speaking their opinions and Remus listening and being thoughtful even if they were insulting him.

No, Remus wasn’t having that today maybe even never, he deserved better.

And with that Remus got his bag and wrapped his scarf around his neck and departed without giving anyone a glance. There was a part of him that wanted to go back to that boy who would be everyone’s toy and listen to what everyone wanted him to do because he wanted people to take a moment to at least give him a damn even if they just wanted to use him. Like the many times he’s been used before, but Remus, he guessed, didn’t want that as much or at all anymore.

“I deserve better”, He muttered to himself trying to stay calm, battling his inner turmoil, knowing that people were saying all sorts of things about him and the fact that the Gryffindors were probably going to exile him later and he was going to have to deal with it by himself.

Opening the door of the Great Hall and exiting through it, Remus considered whether or not, he should start talking to Wormtail again. And he considered it all the way to potions class where he found himself as the first person there. It was probably a good idea getting there first because he could at least prepare himself. Oh and it was double potions with the Slytherins, he wondered what he’d do, if he had the most unfortunate luck of being paired up with Severus, but maybe the universe wasn’t going to be that cruel to him.

And so one by one people starting coming in, giving him sneers, looks of disgust or downright disbelief and he assumed they thought their expressions as well. It wasn’t going to be easy, apparently. Nothing ever really was.

He saw Sirius come in, with James and half hoped they would come and sit with him, like they always did, but it didn’t happen. They just saw him and pretended as if they didn’t even know him. Which hurt the most of all things, but Remus could only accept it.

“Moony” His once-friend came up to him and ceremoniously seated himself right next to Remus, - _well maybe the universe doesn’t really hate me._ Peter Pettigrew sat right next to him, like they were old friends (at least it took Remus’ mind off the whispers, glares and just plain looks that were not welcomed by Remus being given to Remus), it’d been long since Remus had looked at the pointy face of Peter’s with his short black hair, big brown eyes and small body. He thought he really did look like a Peter, and then remembered that James had said something like that not too long ago.

“Wormtail.” He responded nonchalantly. He didn’t know if Peter was mad at him or just the entire marauders but by the looks of everything, Remus didn’t think he could be called a marauder anymore. Probably, you never know what happens in life.

“How goes it?” He chuckled a bit, as if something was funny, which wasn’t funny because Remus couldn’t find anything that was funny at the moment. “Looks like you’ve found yourself in a predicament and judging by the way you look, no, I have not come here to gloat, that’s low, even for me” He turned around and yawned to his surroundings and rest his head on the table, letting his short hair stick out somehow and fixed his eyes upon Remus, and for some reason smiled up to him.

 Peter really was a strange sort, a strange sort who- well, Remus’ train of thought stopped there because yet again Peter interrupted him.

“I mean, yeah, it really hurt me when it happened back then.” He looked down at his fingers and maybe if Remus tried to notice, he’d see Peter wasn’t as cheery as he looked. Which was another reminder of everything that was around Remus right now, he was honestly tired of everyone else’s problems, he was going to focus on his and his alone now, because he was number one, _“You’re more important than anyone else”_ , he heard that from, Lily who said she heard it from, um, a psyche show on TV, about building self-confidence or whatever, and maybe he would have taken the TV’s advice if he knew what it was. Then he remembered that- _oh, Peter’s still talking_ and tries to catch up with whatever he’s babbling about and then he’d feel bad about it later.

“....And so that’s why I’ve decided I’ll be the better man and say that I forgive you and ask for your hand in friendship.” Peter concluded in one breath, not at all looking like the confident person who invited himself to sit with Remus and to be honest, Remus in that moment felt bad about what had happened before, Peter was quirky and weird and funny and a genuinely friend. And those pros all accounted to what Remus probably needed right now, maybe they could just start all over again.

For whatever reason which cannot be given, Remus started to laugh, which probably wasn’t the best way to respond and very un-Remus like, but Remus wasn’t really himself today, and he actually pondered for a moment, he pondered on whether or not he’d sniffed some strange potion today, or if he was intoxicated but, he hadn’t drunk anything. But then looking at Peter all pointy and (Remus was sorry to say this) and rat like that wasn’t angry or upset or anything, Peter apparently he’d found whatever was funny, funny so, mindless laughter ensued and Peter grinned at Remus, and for a moment it felt like sunshine and roses.

“Gryffindor traitor scum.”  He didn’t know who said it, probably a Gryffindor- _Maybe Weasley, who knows._

The same murmur wasn’t even that loud, it was just that people weren’t making much noise and Mr. Hundt with an even more monotonous voice than Binns was talking about the history of a certain Potions Master, and he really looked as if he enjoyed what he was doing. _Glad that there’s people who are happy around here._

 So naturally people stared, glared, whispered and sneered, but Remus- Remus wasn’t that strong, he wasn’t strong emotionally, he couldn’t just brush it off as if it were nothing, it wasn’t that easy.

So he remembered his place and swallowed down whatever it was that felt like coming up his throat.

_People suck,_ came as a thought through Remus’ head, whenever did he become this, but looked instead at his pointy-weirdo-friend Wormtail, who was trying to give him a small smile as if to say- _you’ll get used to it._ Remus reconsidered his actions, but for now Remus tells himself, that he has done nothing wrong and that he should be focused on the fact that he has a task at hand and like he told himself, it’s better late than never, he mustered up some of his non-existent courage, turned and looked at the Slytherin side of the classroom noting to himself that the Slytherin at the center of this isn’t there, and well it’s not all surprising when he finds he’s not. He turned back, trying to block out the dirty looks and the ugly mutters he could see and hear and focused on the calm of his own thoughts.

_Everyone’s still talking about me- about me-about me...._

_Everyone’s talking about me-me-me._

And so he kept filing through his mind trying to locate anything remotely funny, to keep up a smile, because that was the only thing that kept him from crying.

~~~~

Lily wished she knew what she could do.

What she could do besides watching her friend pace around the room like a rabid animal, his eyes were full of emotions that she couldn’t understand, she just sat there, that was all she could do anyway. She tried asking earlier, but that did no good.

 

She saw everything that happened in the Great Hall today from the moment Remus starting walking towards him to the moment Severus left. He usually kept his mask up, calm cool and collected in every situation given to him, but this time, this time, he showed his emotions.

Lily thought he went to start that destructive thinking of his, she thought that he’d have flashbacks or blackouts or-or-or so many things. Lily sometimes thought she didn’t worry enough and that’s how she found herself finding him in her room, sleeping and that’s how she left him there for hours, coming in-between hours to check on him, but not finding any change. She just kept finding him there in her sheets. He didn’t respond to anything or get up or eat or talk.

But when he did, he just paced and paced and paced.

 Sighing and looking at the carpet he was pacing bare foot in, she decided to dive in to the bed and leave him to it. Upon covering herself in her rosy sheets, she hoped he’d just stop and come to bed already, and then she closed her eyes

~~~~

GRYFFINDOR BOYS DORMS 11:57 PM

It’s almost strange, like a distant memory, he kept smiling at the thought of it. He wasn’t sure what it was again, but he thought to himself, it must have been some sort of feeling, some sort of emotion. It’d been gone, he thought. That wasn’t so long ago, if you counted, but it mentally felt like ages, he missed it, he missed it a lot and he doesn’t know if he’ll remember later, its seemly important so before he forgets about it, he tried to remember everything he could.

Life wasn’t going well, it’s true, there were days he felt like he was finally going to end it, but then again  , everything he would missed hangs as a shadow behind his back, there’s emotions in everything everywhere,  he cried when he allowed himself, got angry when he couldn’t help it and depressed daily. It was somewhat of a wonder all these things, he used to be happy, and couldn’t he go about without these pounding feelings? Sometimes maybe he wished he was void, wished he could be empty and numb. Unknowingly he was, forgotten many things and forgetting, the darkness becoming welcoming, it’s like a seed, it sprouted,  and then it started growing.

He’s the only one who can stop himself wasting his life away as if nothing’s the matter. _It comes and goes_ ,he said but more so it stays, he forgot to mention that point, it wasn’t easier any way he went ,but he told himself he never asked to be born, which is somewhat of a truth, even though no one ever has asked.

Days like this , he would ask himself- _why, why are we alive?_ \- life is just a beginning to an end, if you looked at it correctly enough, it was not as fun on days like this, no, life was most certainly not alright, so maybe he mixed his emotions and thought them genuine, every day. Day to day to day. Then he remembered what a friend of his told him at home during summer holidays, it had been long since he last saw her; maybe he should have owled her; when she read a particular page of his journal, he called it a journal, it didn’t sound as girlish, she read a particular page where he wrote at least a sentence for everyday and it wasn’t so bad, he first found the inspiration to it, when he wasn’t very happy, he’d write a thing or two a day and continued with that for well maybe a month or so. It was, it was releasing, the feeling was releasing, and it was the least he could say for this way of emotional release. She said that he loved her transition, loved how he changed from being all gloomy-quiet to being ecstatic and eccentric, just the genuine happiness that didn’t come to him to him anymore. He didn’t feel, he’d forgotten.

And it hurt, it hurt.

Brood, breathe, bleed. Brood, breathe, bleed. Brood, breathe, bleed. Brood, breathe, bleed.

It’s a motto, or a mantra, he wasn’t sure.

 James wanted to cry a lot. He really did, he buried his head in the pillow, gritted his teeth, ready to scream, shout and kick. He pulled at his hair, there was a silencing charm, and no one would have heard him. He wanted to cry a lot. There was so much and so little happening at the same time. He could handle and couldn’t handle it.

Maybe he’ll actually do it one day, kill himself, something of the sort, but wait, isn’t he a coward?

Maybe he’ll get guts one day, maybe he’ll grow a brain one day, and maybe he’ll start living one day?

He’ll get past this, no one has to know, suicide is beginning to look like a one way option, which it is, but it isn’t as welcoming, there are days he’s almost there. Tormented, by whatever he has in his head, it’s nothing big or complicated or anything, its emotions, emotions are his demons; emotions are the demons that tear him apart. He really couldn’t deal with this by himself.

He could feel the pounding in his head, like someone was hitting him with a hammer, was that Remus? Sirius, Peter- Sev?

Sev. Sev. Sev.

It was okay before, he was an unattainable, there was no need to ask for things he would, could never have. It was that-that-that emotional need, he wanted him, he wanted him badly, because-because he li-loves him and he wants to know him, but he can’t because of the stupid things he’s done, and all he feels is guilt-guilt-guilt and he won’t blame anyone, well no, he will probably blame everyone and lose all of the little he has left, maybe he’d need an imaginary friend, a protagonist with no name, bouncing in and out of his thoughts, like Lily’s yoyo thing, it’ll sway left-right, left-right. Clink and clank like a pendant worn on someone running too much maybe, he’ll scream at no name protagonist, he’ll hug no name protagonist, he’ll  punch no name protagonist, he’ll maybe even kiss no name protagonist, make jokes with no name protagonist, rename no name protagonist to no name antagonist.

James stopped shaking in his deep red sheets, stopped punching the blankets, and stopped biting his pillow. He got up and sat up straight in the middle of his bed, ran a heavy hand through his brown hair, rubbed his red rimmed eyes and folded himself and rest his head on his knees and held his legs. He started swinging himself from side to side, keeping the same position, and hours later he would have said he slept in the same position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think :D  
> Comments are adored.


	4. In Which There is a Meddling Hufflepuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is in one way or another encouraged to do the right thing.  
> This time he might have someone to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know how much I want to apologize or being this late?  
> Yep, I'm sure you do know- well thing is , I've been having quite a hard time lately, emotionally and mentally( if anything those two are almost one) and I almost forgot about the joys of writing. As you probably know, I have other fandom fics I'm also writing; I hope to get them( a chapter of each) up by today. Since it's 11 AM anyway so I have almost the whole afternoon. I'll try my best.
> 
> P.S: Guess what, I'm back to my yaoi mangas!

The Things about Us

-Hunter

Chapter 4: In Which There is a Meddling Hufflepuff

_You don’t know how little you matter until you’re all alone._

_“Crack Rock”_

_\- Frank Ocean_

 

 “James!” Sirius said for the hundredth time, and unfortunately for him, James was not in a good mood, he was in a very bad mood. His inner friend told him that he should probably stop killing Remus Lupin, his former best friend over and over and over again in his mind. And then there was this feeling – incomprehensible it was, that he was left with. Well, James, James supposed that he could probably just chalk it up as deep rooted jealousy and a pinch of everlasting melancholy.

It was because Severus was supposedly sick and absent and Remus was also strangely absent, even though Lily was around. And so in James’ book, that raised a lot of red flags.

There were a lot of rumors about what had happened last week, when Remus gave Severus something, the Slytherins said it was a love letter, the Ravenclaws said it was notes to compensate all those years of bullying and he heard that from Domos (a Ravenclaw), he’d wanted to punch him, but James wanted to punch a lot of things lately, so maybe he wouldn’t be blamed for it, if he did decide to go through with it (but he didn’t); and then the Hufflepuffs said- well, James didn’t really know. The Gryffindors had numerous ideas of what it might be, so James couldn’t be sure.

But one thing was for sure. And it was the fact that Remus and Severus were now  _friends_. And that thought made James grind his teeth so much every single time he thought it.

_Friends!_

_After all that I’m going through, Remus just goes up to him and_ -

“James!”

“What?” He snapped at Sirius, eyes closed, fingers massaging his seemly throbbing temples, face facing Mr. Hundt, and reconsidering by the second if was ever a good decision to sit with Sirius that morning _. Honestly, when does this wanker ever shut the fuck up? _And he almost said that, but restrained himself; it wouldn’t do for him to lose two friends in the course of a week.

“James, stop taking out your anger on me, OK?” Sirius stated levelly. That was a first, since when was Sirius a calm person capable of understanding things?

“I’m n-“James denied. Of course he’d deny it, to be honest, it’s almost expectable.

“Bullshit.” How he said it so nonchalantly, James doesn’t know, “I know you’re still pissed about the whole...... Remus because he’s friends with Snape now, but I think we should just let it sl-

“Who says I’m pissed at Remus?” Bulls eye and well, here comes the bull after the red.

“Well- from the way you’re acting, and well-you seemed pretty pissed last week, what was I supposed to think?” The raising of a person’s voice and the small, unnoticeable cracks is a good sign that you’re doing a great job of pissing someone off.

“What, what Remus wants to do, is what he wants to do, it’s none of my or our, I suppose, business.” And it’s James turn to sound indifferent and he makes his eyes show it too when he looks at Sirius, who is visibly having a hard time, calming down.

_Typical Sirius._

“Then why are you mad, is it because it’s Snape?” Certain questions being asked hit certain nerves-

“I just told you I’m not mad!” James exclaimed. Hit certain nerves and luckily don’t cause a lot of damage.

“You see, what I mean?” As if he was the all-seeing knower of all things-  _come off it, you bloody sod_ -

“Urgh, just shut up.” And yes, that would be the best, which was why James refocused on the quaint voice of Mr. Hundt who seemed to be millions of miles away, that even the best long distance apparators couldn’t apparate there.

“OK, whoa, like what in the world is wrong with you?” Okay, both were angry and that spells-well, it spells a lot of things.

“Nothing-! you see that’s – your,” Inability to talk marks the beginning of conflict.

“OK, you know what, screw you, James, you seem to like being all pissy with people who just want to help, I don’t have time to deal with your fucking problems.” And the climax-

As if on cue, Mr. Hundt who perhaps was completely oblivious or cunningly intelligent announced that classes were over and that he expected everyone to get ready for their next assignment which would be quite a hassle. The tall, brown-haired professor then signaled for the class to disband, so all that unnecessary tension that had been steadily building up and could have led to silly misunderstandings and potential hexes or fistfights, rapidly deteriorated.

That left Padfoot and Prongs in an almost paused battle state, just glaring into each other’s retinas as if they dared to melt it with wandless or should I say eye magic. Neither was one to back off from a challenge but a nudge from Weasley stopped them, not to mention that look he’d give you, that look he’d deliberately use to guilt-trip people, if ever there was a worldwide guilt-tripper competition, Weasley would have won first place a hundred times over; and what happened to redheads being feisty and what not, Weasley must have been an exception because instead of normal red-head protocol, he then separated James from Sirius and pulled Sirius aside.

“Let me just borrow him for a minute or too,”  And then fake-not-fake redhead gave a stern look to Sirius that spoke levels of something James could not exactly comprehend, supposedly hidden, all things considered,” We have words to exchange.” With that Sirius was manhandled out the classroom door, he looked like he wanted to protest, arms flinging and mouth open; but never doubt a weasel, I suppose; with Weasley-  _why not call him Arthur_ \- carrying his things and students pretending as if today they hadn’t gotten the juiciest gossip the whole school term or maybe even the whole school year.

Sighs were becoming routine and knowing James who probably hated everything expected and orthodox, he decided he needed to find an outlet for all his slowly seeping and leaking emotional issues.

At least, I don’t have OWLS, he thought to himself as he grabbed his bag upon realizing that he was the only person still in the classroom. He also wondered what good it would do if he just stood there idiotically thinking about his problems, that one might think were quite exaggerated if you didn’t know the details.

_At least I’m not some typical lonely, hormonal, angsty, depressed kid pining after someone._

And he was three steps into the loud and busy hall before he felt a deep sensation of crying bittersweet tears of mirth and melancholy.

:::

Transfigurations proved to be a tiresome affair. He almost failed to do some of the Transfigurations exercises he was given and was lucky that he hadn’t been given any punishment.

The one class that was better than the rest was Herbology which proved to be somewhat uplifting, like Clement always made it to be.

James’ initial reaction to Clement when he first met him and heard about him was- _Clement Clementine, how much would your parents have to hate you?-_

Clement was a tall muggleborn wizard with very curly dark red hair that reached went to the small of his back and that hair of his surely would’ve given Malfoy some sort of competition; but anyway Clement always tied his hair up, whenever James saw him.

James would sometimes or often ask about Clement and his life, not to mention why Clement wouldn’t cut his hair, because it often looked like a bush of dark red that would be sprouting berries at any moment.

And Clement would tell him that his hair was one of the most important constants in his life (James sensed there was story behind that), Clement was something called a Jew, whatever the hell that was and he said that was why he wore a funny cap on some days.

Clement was also the only friend, something of a friend that James had outside of the marauders, they used to say exchange greetings and farewells last year, but James supposed that ever since school started, the reason these occurrences stopped was because James was too busy being depressed and what not and he tends to forget about others when he’s in that state.

Luckily Clement wasn’t like Remus and he wasn’t like Sirius or even Peter.

He was a strange breed of human. He had different personalities at different times, and different levels of them. And this, James knew from the limited time they would spend during Herbology as partners. But sometimes James would catch glances of him during Charms and Muggle Studies which they both took together and had together as two houses, and he’d see Clement’s interactions with everyone, but he wouldn’t pay much attention. The information would just be filed into a non-existent box.

Clement was just around whenever he was around and James couldn’t really tell if he noticed his friend that much.

“Jamie, Jay or Jason, take your pick,” Clement said after Herbology when people were getting ready to go. Clement didn’t say anything to him during class; he just glanced at him maybe three or four times and James wondered if he was waiting for James to make the first move, but James thought he should know him by now and not expect things from people like James.

Walking with him outside of the greenhouse and to the Great Hall, James answered nonchalantly,” James.”

  _Where’s Sirius-_ James thought absently before he caught himself. He supposed he wasn’t friends with Sirius anymore too, because he’d ignored James ever since that disagreement during potions, and every time he’d seen him, he was with Weasley.

“Not in a good mood, I suppose, don’t worry, I won’t rile you up” Clement declared beside him in that casual way. It was the first time they walked together, James wondered why he liked keeping details.  They remained in something close to an uncomfortable silence until they approached the huge oak doors of the Great Hall. James then found that Clement was lagging behind for some sort of reason.

James turned to look at him and gave him a raised eyebrow.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“You don’t look like you want company _.”_

_Oh._

_Oh. OK, I see._

_Oh. So he thought I didn’t want him around._

Mustering the energy to give him a small, reassuring smile, James said to him, “It’s just-you know, one of those days.”

_I push away too many good people, let me keep at least one._

“But I’d really enjoy the company,” He then added after seeing something fall on his face.

For that was when Clement wore his casual smile and followed James into the Great Hall without a second’s thought.

“Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?”  Clement asked as James took a look around the Great Hall, but trying to avoid looking at a specific table.

“Hufflepuff.” Because it was the only table where you couldn’t see the Slytherins clearly especially one specific corner; since the Slytherins were on one end and the Hufflepuffs on the other end.

“Ada and Michael will be so proud; taking someone to my table for the first time.” Clement said in an amused voice. James decided that Clement was also breaking the redhead rules and protocol, but at least maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with his housemates, ex-friends or Snape.

“Stop brooding and keep walking.” Clement expressed as they finally got to the table and as expected, heads had rolled and eyebrows had been raised.

It was easier than he initially thought, well, maybe at least for now. Brandishing that universal Potter smile, which was strangely easier to bring about at the moment, James thought Hufflepuffs were more reserved and conscious than he thought. It was like all the eyes around the table were on him and his being there until he Clement sat down and coughed a cough that was louder than necessary.

“James,” Beckoning him to sit down and James did exactly so,” This is Michael and Ada.” And he pointed at two people sitting opposite them. Ada he supposed it was Ada was a tall dark girl with short black hair, she had a small sharp nose and she was quite fit, actually, the robes she wore in one way or another just matched her body quite well. She also had round hippy spectacles; he suspected they were hippy, from all the muggle influence at school. And then he remembered her from Quidditch, she was a Chaser, he’s not sure, but he’s played against her. She seems alright, but she doesn’t look like an Ada. She looked bored somehow, as if James was not worth a second of her time.

Michael seated next to her, and later James wondered why all Clement’s friends are tall like him as if they met through a tall peoples united meeting; tall (obviously) had very short peach blonde hair; it was as if he just got a cut a couple of days ago, but it had already started growing steadily. His eyebrows were quite bushy, but he had a nice thin mouth and crystal blue eyes that certain people might had swooned over. Not only did he have that, but he was slim, not too muscled, which again would have made certain people swoon.

Unfortunately he wasn’t certain people.

“James P-“

“Potter, save us all the unnecessary details, we know you.” Ada interrupted quietly as she ate her custard.

_Well, looks like I might have just entered the lion’s den._

“Be nice, darling, all that custard will go to your head,” Clement uttered next to him as he was gathering food on a plate. His red hair was constantly brushing the left side of James’ face.

He supposed he couldn’t have thought this to be neutral ground; I mean all those things he’d done at school...

“Ada Dianne Pasha,” She said as she looked up from her custard through her glasses. She had a heavy accent, it was sort of strange, and one that James hadn’t heard before. She sounded Irish with a dash of French, if that ever existed. Maybe she was interesting, you can never know.

“Michael Montgomery, and no, I shan’t grace you with knowing my middle name,” Michael spoke for the first time. He might have been an aristocrat, judging from the way he talked and hand gestures. He liked using hand gestures. He sounded like he came from London.

“Ok, so social necessaries are done and done, and now we continue on to the reason we are gathered here today at this hour, to help fill the stomach of our beloved Clement Clementine.” Clement chirped happily beside James.

“Or to make Clement Clementine fat,” Ada added indifferently as she continued to eat her custard noiselessly.

James couldn’t help but smile at the sounds of protest Clement made until Michael directed a question at him.

“So, Potter, why are you here? I don’t mean offence or anything, it’s just you hardly ever come ‘round these parts.”

_Well, this was expected._

“Um, well, I hadn’t talked to Clement in a while and I thought that maybe-“

“He’s facing emotional issues and he’s lost like two best, oh no, three best friends in the course of a year so he’s lonely and I don’t like sad people and took pity on him.” Clement interrupted as he pushed his bushy red hair away from his face so he could eat properly without getting food in his hair.

“Got a problem with that?” Clement then added, salting a bit of his chicken.

“No,” Michael replied casually and went back to devouring his lunch gracefully. James at that point supposed that he should eat as well, seeing that was the reason he came after all. But before he knew it, Clement had already filled a plate with delicious food.

“You’ve been looking a bit bony, but you know, Fellow Herbologists don’t let other herbologists starve.” He explained without looking at him. ”Then again, the same could be said for Muggle Studiers or Charmers, or is it Charmists? Hmmph, anyway take your pick.”

And when they were all finished and enjoying their pumpkin juice, James decided to try to make some conversation.

“So, Ada, how’s Quidditch?” Addressing the girl for the first time. Now if he mistook her for someone else, he’d look like a real arse.

“Same as always, Hufflepuff loses, even with you not around,” He sensed some hostility behind those words, willed himself or told himself that that was probably just a way that Ada liked to talk and she talked like that with everyone. And besides they were hardly friends, so why should it bother him?

“But we still come to your every game and scream our hearts out,”  Clement said, then he looked as if he was trying to remember something,” Remember that time against Ravenclaw, Michael, that time, I screamed the whole game ’Ada, Ada, Ada’ ?I couldn’t talk for like, what was it Michael?” And he turned to the blonde boy and did that thing where he quirked his mouth to the side as if in deep consideration.

“I think it was four days.”

“Ah huh! Four days, because of screaming your name.”

“It happens.” Ada said with the slightest tone of amusement.

James watched them as they carried on with their colorful conversations, it seemed as if rainbows were being spewed out at every chance and James caught each one of them. Now unfortunately, all this amounted to James realizing that he had pretty much lost his equivalent of Ada and Michael, be it because of unresolved tension, lies and slander and not talking about your feelings. James supposed that a whole lot of things would be significantly better if he just spoke the truth instead of hiding behind his acquired Gryffindor front; maybe he should have been sorted into Slytherin, that also would have made another set of things easier.

Then James supposed that people never really get their way, which was why he sat at a table filled with Huffly-Puffly Hufflepuffs that he had acquired as his  _current_  substitute friends, if Domos from Ravenclaw was as close to him as Clement was and then Slytherin- well there was a lot to think about when it came to Slytherin, but James supposed yet again,  _we can’t all have our way._

“I think I should get ready for class, guys.” He said suddenly, he was getting queasy, not because of the Huffle-Puffly filled air ( In true honesty, James thought Hufflepuffs were just Hufflepuffs, they sounded just how they looked and gave off this air that just made you Huffly-Puffly, soft in a way, but anyway, that was before he had this lunch)

Clement looked at him with searching eyes, but it was Michael that said, “You see, Ada, you’re scaring him away.”

“OK.” James was willing to bet ‘Unconcerned’ was her middle name.

“OK? What do you mean OK?” Michael challenged as if it was illogical, well James didn’t know how Huffly-Puffly’s worked so...

“Just what I mean by OK.”

“And  _that’s_  supposed to be OK,  _‘chasing’_  someone?

“Hmmph, I suppose.” She replied looking at him with an uninterested expression.

“Ada, you need to be more nic-“

“Does being nice affect the quality of your life?”

“Not directly, but I’m sur-

“You see? Contradiction.

“Maybe in your books, but....”

“Alright, you two, manners please, let me escort our guest and please don’t kill each other while I’m gone.” Clement sighed, exasperated; James can relate, after all, Sirius was not a piece of cake to deal with at most times, sometimes James wondered why they were even friends, but then he remembered and started feeling guilty.

“We’re not kids.” They said in unison.

“Well to me you are, anyway, come on James, let me escort you, it’s only proper.” And like the gentleman Clement was, he stood and followed James out of the Great Hall.

“They seem nice.” James said once they were out of the Hall. In his mind he pondered on whether that was an understatement or overstatement.

“Don’t mind Ada, she’s like that most of the time, especially since she envies you a lot, you know, being the best Seeker and what not, former captain and being in the always winning house, blah, blah, blah, not important anyway,”

“What? I didn’t kno-” Oh so that’s why. Jealous bitch.

“Ah, don’t sweat on it, she’s cool like that.” Hardly, James thought.

“Well, Michael seems.... nicer?” Understatement of the year.

“He’s a posh London prick, but he’s nice, it’s like he’s not following protocol, he’s supposed to be like Lucius, but people like breaking the rules and regulations.”

“Like you.” James pointed out.

“Like me? How?” Clement was pleasantly surprised somehow.

“Red heads are supposed to be feisty and dull and weird.”

“Maybe Weasley, but not me, ha-ha, I’m a special breed of red-head, as you can already tell.”

“You’re better than Weasley.” Then again, Weasley wasn’t feisty and dull and weird, he noted annoyingly.

“Of course, I am, I wouldn’t think any less of myself, now shoo before my ego gets too big for my hair.” And he flicked some of his red hair to his back. Cliché.

“Um, Clement....?”

“Yes?”

“Um, Thank you, you know, for being around and I feel less.... alone, I guess.”

“No problem, that’s what friends are for anyway.”

So now this was the part were James was supposed to run away and think about all the bad things happening in his life until-

“And James, you know, you can talk to me about your problems anytime you want.” He said without an ounce of pity and James wanted to hug him for that; he didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“Okay.”

:::

“Give it back, Weasley!” Malfoy exclaimed angrily. Honestly it was always these two, James watched from the stairs- he was coming back from Divination, he wondered why he still took it though, but it was Advanced Divination now; He leant against the staircase and watched the scene with unmasked boredom. It looked like Weasley had gotten Malfoy’s ribbon that he tied his hair with and Malfoy wanted it back. James wondered when Malfoy was just going to get the message and accept the unspoken proposal, because come on, all that unresolved sexual tension, at least it seemed mutual; or else James was going to start having drinks with Weasley on Heartbreak Weekend, it seemed like the worst things always happened on a weekend.

“Make me.” Weasley said in a low voice. Oohs and ahhs were heard all around; James searched and found Clement smirking from across the hallway before the stairs, amused at the current events. James smiled back.

James almost didn’t see him, he was caught unawares when he saw him; he just turned on the corner and was walking away from the Malfoy and Weasley thing. He looked like he always did, but his expression was different somehow, he was talking to Lily and then James realized that Remus was with them and James was hit with that feeling that almost ate him up alive, he hated Remus now, that was for sure, if it wasn’t pure jealousy then it was pure hate because Remus had what James wanted and wait- was he leaning in?-what was he doing- no-no-no; he was leaning in, why, what was he doing; he actually leaned in close to Severus and James was going to scream if-

CRACK

James snapped his head to the loud crack and found Malfoy on the marble floor with blood seeping through his hair and ouch, it really sounded and looked like it hurt, and oh Merlin he sincerely hoped that what he heard was not a skull cracking, because that really sounded like that. Malfoy was- he seemed unconscious and the blood was really starting to spread now, soiling his white shirt and making his hair a deep red.

Then James remembered.

A cold forest, a scream and blood.

All too familiar he could say.

He remembered and glanced around to find that they’d gone already. If he tried, maybe he could tune out the pounding in his ears.

Malfoy was being carried to the Hospital Wing by none other than Weasley himself, he was almost running and but the look on his face, he was quite distressed, but James was sure, he wouldn’t run, in fear of dropping him and causing more damage. He yet again felt like he could relate with Weasley, maybe one day, they’d actually have a drink, but not because of broken hearts.

James-well- James wanted to do something about Severus now that Remus did what Severus though wasn’t possible, even though, James probably bullied Severus more, Remus was the one who killed him- well almost, so his faults shouldn’t weigh less or more than Remus’.

 _It still doesn’t excuse all those things you’ve done._  A voice in his head told him.

That thought stayed with him for the rest of the evening; it was still there when he found himself back in the Great Hall for dinner that night. As he walked in he saw Sirius talking to Weasley in whispers, Clement was there with his Hufflepuffs, Remus was all alone looking gloomy, and no one was talking to him- and that made him happy, he thought he deserved it, until he saw him promptly get up and go to sit with Severus at the Slytherin table. This time there was less staring, but James couldn’t stop it- he was seething and it had everything to do with Severus. James sat at an almost empty corner, the only person around him was a girl whose name he was too lazy to remember.

Severus.

Severus.

Severus.

He couldn’t really explain it, he can’t explain it, it was butterflies in your stomach, it felt euphoric for a moment only then to be squashed by merciless melancholy as he watched Remus sit right next to him and Remus was there- he was where James was supposed to be; talking animatedly as if they were old friends.

It made James sick to his stomach. Then he remembered that night when he felt Severus’ body on his, even if it was an accident, the way that his dark locks fell from his face, touching James’ face just that bit, and maybe- maybe if James had just reached out- just maybe if he had then pulled Severus to him and-

“James, are you alright?” Girl-whose-name-he-did-not-know asked him as if she was concerned.

“I’m fine...” He didn’t know what to call her. It must have shown because she seemed to have understood.

“Cynthia Goldburger, I’m in fifth year, I’m sure you seen me around a couple of times,” She seemed alright, but James wasn’t planning on listening to much of what she had to say.

“Okay,” And that was an automatic response, he didn’t know what to say to her, he had better things to do, like find out why Remus was-

And then James got an idea.

“...and that was the first time I talked to-“

 “Sorry, but I have to go- er-tell Lily something.” And then he got his belongings not even staying long enough to hear Cynthia say bye or whatever. He just thought of something and he was sure that Evans was not happy about Remus being friends with Severus.

He didn’t waste any time when he got to where she was sitting, surprisingly talking to Peter Pettigrew-

Peter, now there was a lot of history with James and Peter. A lot of history James didn’t want to think about- even though Peter was his friend, well whatever sort of friend he was.

They looked like they were enjoying talking to each other, it was as if they were friends; well James didn’t care what anyone did with Wormtail so he guessed that whatever they were to each other didn’t matter to him.

“Lily, can I have a word?” She was mildly surprised at this; he never spoke to her, she never spoke to him, it was like a silent agreement made after Severus’ first year- the first time James bullied him and they always ignored each other after that- except after what happened in Fifth Year.

“What do you want Potter?” Peter asked, with an undisguised displeasure.

“None of your business,  _Wormtail_. “

“Oh, so I get to keep the name, then, what else have I been left for scraps?”

“Lily, may I speak to you?”

“It’s Evans to you and what do you want Potter?”

“I would like to have a word.” Then he gave a slight pause, “In private.”

Lily looked at him as if he’d grown another head. He never changed the expression on his face; which was of dead seriousness. She composed her surprise or shock or whatever it was and got up.

“I’ll be back, Peter” She said to Peter and left him at the table and followed James out of the Great Hall. She would never follow someone James thought, as he remembered Lily from before, they were never close, and you could probably say they hated each other, but one thing was certain: they cared very very very much about Severus Snape. How it came about, Lily and Severus, James didn’t know and didn’t want to know, because it wasn’t fair. He wanted  _that_ with him. But-well never mind a million buts.

When they got to a corner James stopped and turned around to a Lily Evans with a blank face; maybe she was learning from Severus. Anyway that wasn’t the reason why they were here.

“Why is Remus hanging out with you and Se-Snape?” He asked, no time for dillydallying.

“What?” She asked in disbelief.

“Why is Remus hanging out with you and Snape?” He asked again, but firmer this time.

 And then he was surprised to find that she had started shaking in silent laughter. He just stared and stared at her and she laughed at him- as if he was some-some-some- indescribable thing.

“Oh Salazar, so Severus was right then,” She replied after she composed herself then she dropped the smile completely, ”I thought that Lupin was up to something, I thought you put him up to something, some sort of sick joke, like gain Severus’ heart then break it later on; Oh dear, Potter, how I overestimated you and how I underestimated Lupin,” Then she stared off into the distance and James took it what she said.

“Just-just how sick do you think I am?” He asked in disbelief, “I would nev-“

“He told me about you, you know, Severus told me about that day on the train in first year, he said he thought you understood and at the time, I hoped that you did, I was going to be nice to you, until you cocked up everything, so don’t you ever fucking tell me about the shit  _you_  will never fucking do.” She brought him back to the beginning and he remembered that day as if it was yesterday and she said all of these things with such vehemence that James wondered if he really was as sick as she thought. Was he really?

_Why do I do the things I do?_

“But to make you feel better, he apparently apologized and wanted to be friends with Sev and well they’re friends now. Sev’s still a bit wary and initially thought the same as I did, but that’s just water under the bridge now and I still don’t know why the hell I told you that.” She said and finished with a flick of her hair. He almost missed knowing her.

He didn’t know what to say more, so they stood there not looking at each other for a minute and the Lily broke the silence.

“It seems there’s nothing else left so I’m not needed anymore,” She turned and was walking away before she turned suddenly then spoke to him.

“And by the way, I thought  _you_  of all people valued loyalty the most, Potter and yet you threw away your friend Lupin just like that, stop moping around and do the things you want to do-like the thing that’s been eating you for years so grow a pair of balls and get whatever the fuck it is that you want.”

 He looked at her and decided that despite everything, he really respected Lily Evans. He respected her dead on straight forward, no nonsense.

“Thank you, Lily.”

“You’re not welcome, Potter.” And with that she was gone.

:::

James found himself in the library, hours later, he decided he would skip dinner because he just didn’t feel like it and after the whole thing with Lily he thought that he had to ‘grow a pair of balls’ and ‘get whatever the fuck it is that he wanted.’

He guessed he was in such deep thought that he never noticed a flaming redhead sit himself next to him.

“What is up and happening James? How is life going? How has it changed from the plus six hours that I last talked to you? How come you didn’t come for dinner, want to starve yourself now, to get the supermodel look even though, you don’t really swing that way- well I think you do swing that way-“

“Wait, what-what are you talking about Clement?” James asked, if he knew he swung that way, did it mean that he knew that he liked-

“Don’t worry, that means he’s normal,” said Michael; he didn’t know he was there too. He should be more observant, he could be kidnapped and not notice it until the last moment. He found Ada sitting next to Michael across of both him and Clement.

James raised an eyebrow at her and, “I was dragged,” was all she said.

James groaned internally, buried his face in his arms on the table and wished he had solutions to all his problems instead of going to the library and not doing anything. Except maybe study Potions which he wasn’t very good at, at the moment, if he Severus was his friend- or maybe even his  _boyfriend_ , he would maybe even help him, and they would spend hours- Severus trying to teach him and James just being distracted by Severus’ pink lips as he talked about how annoying James was and how he couldn’t be good in Potions and James would pull him from the waist, caress his face, then lean in and go in for a ki-

“JAMES POTTER”

James raised his head from his arms to Clement’s shout and took notice of a very angry librarian telling them to shut up or they were going to be chased. Looking back at Clement, James said exasperated, “Yes, Clement?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Yeah, what’s the matter?” Apparently Michael joined in on the love fest too.

“Nothing,” Was James’ automatic response as he straightened himself up and looked blankly at them.

“Really,” It wasn’t a question; Clement seemed to know when even James was lying, “Just so you know, I’m offering my help and well- if you don’t want it it’s fine, but you can’t keep pushing people away, lying to your friends like that, making us believe you care for us and then-and then, you’ll end up like-“

“Clement!” Michael whined, “I thought we don’t talk about He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Talked-About anymore. You know, after Recent Events.

“Recent Events,” Ada scoffed, amused, not looking at anyone in particular, she looked so very bored, and James almost felt sorry for her. But- he didn’t.

“The-Person-Who-We-Do-Not-Name is someone I barely think about anymore, Michael, no matter how  _difficult_  or  _hurt_  I was at the time, I don’t do pining. Pining is evil! Besides he’s probably philandering with-with some other underage wizard, giving them pretty clothes and shoes. And they’ll give him what’s between their legs.”

“Wait, wait, who are we talking about here?” James asked confused.

“Clement’s ex-boyfriend slash, our former Care Of Magical Creatures slash, I think sexual predator slash douchebag slash cheater slash liar slas- “

“Ada! Stop it already! I trusted you, I really did, I really really did,” Clement exclaimed in something akin to mock hurt, maybe it was real, James wasn’t sure, he just let Clement fall into the position that he himself was in before he was disturbed.

“Those were the most words I’ve ever heard coming out of your mouth.” James said, trying to break the awkward silence.

Ada snickered-wait what snickered? And then said, “Don’t worry, he’s fine, got over that bloke since he’d be fired from his job because he was looking at a Slytherin’s girl’s knickers, then the Headmaster-

“WAIT, WHAT, OUR CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES TEACHER?!” And James earned not only a kick in the shins, but also a very very scary glare from Clement. Well at least he was following red-head protocol now; but oh my Merlin, Mr. Fig, Damian Fig?? That slimy git?!

“Scream a little louder Potter and he might hear it from where he is in Durmstrang,” Ada told him. Michael gave him a smile.

Awkward silence.

“So you like guys?”

Awkward silence.

Then-

“Honestly? Really? Honestly?” Clement exclaimed with a look of disbelief, “That’s all you can say, that’s all? Hello, there is this whole I dated a Hogwarts teacher thing, a teacher that was ten years older than me that I dated and dumped because he cheated on me and lied to me? Are you supposed to say more?” But before James could say anything-

“I dated a Hogwarts teacher should totally be a thing, like a song or something,” Michael suddenly said as if he’d gotten some sort of inspiration.

“Yeah, it should so be a thing,” Ada added conjuring an origami crane from scraps of parchment with her wand, “And you know, I would listen to it or buy it, if it was a thing.”

“Really?” At that comment of Ada’s, Michael’s face lit up and he gave her a breathtaking smile. James thought he saw a slight quirk on her lips-as if she was suppressing a smile.

“You guys are really the worst ever, just go and do whatever the hell it is you guys do when you’re alone,” Clement mumbled.

“Okay, your words, not ours,” Michael said as he grabbed his bag and stood up, and then he looked at Ada. She smiled a little this time.

“Don’t be a stranger, Clem,” and she went on to pat his hair and went off with Michael.

James wondered if Michael and Ada were a couple, I mean they really looked like a couple and they kind of sort of acted like a couple, so James thought that they must have been, because come on, they were like almost made for each other. A match made in heaven, one would say. Unlike other people, like James, Clement and maybe Weasley; but at least he always riled Malfoy up the right way so whether or not Malfoy was going to hate him if he decided to tell him one day- well at least, Malfoy wouldn’t ignore him.

“Let’s start a lonely hearts club, James,” Clement said suddenly as he pulled himself straight and sat slouched with his elbows on the table. It was as if Clement was reading his mind. Which was not weird at all, he guessed.

“Alright...” James said cautiously. Then he thought of something.

“But you know, it wouldn’t just be us and stuff, you know, we’d have to find other people to join and stuff, I’d love to have a Slytherin in the club you know.”

The mention of Slytherin just nagged at him a bit.

“And I have a friend in Slytherin, Jena, she’s really nice and I think if there wasn’t this stupid House Rivalry thing then a lot of people would really like her. Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor were like the best of friends you know- and, no offence to you Gryffindor’s, but you guys can be so judgmental when Slytherin hasn’t done anything to your house at all-“

“So you think Slytherin’s alright?

“Yeah, why, you got a problem worth them? I know your history with Severus and everything, but he’s really nice and I would-“

“Wait, you know Severus? You’re friends?

“Yeah, kind of- in a way, I suppose. Okay, it’s like this- sometimes when we have certain classes together and are paired up or just sit together, we talk you know.” Clement said almost softly, “he’s pretty much a really decent guy, especially when he feels like talking and he’s really pretty too,” Clement finished with him tilting his head to look at James quizzically.

“Yes, he is quite pretty; in fact one would say he’s beautiful,” James muttered absently.

“You think he’s beautiful?” Clement asked incredulously.

“Well- yes- I mean- who doesn’t?-because-um...” James stuttered shamefully. He really wanted to bury his head in whatever he could find and never ever come out, those words came out really easily, but they also spoke volumes of feelings James didn’t want to admit to.

“James,” Clement started softly before he went on to say,” do you like him?”

_Damn you Clement._

James buried his head into the book before him and inhaled the he didn’t know how old dust- he should have awarded himself for not even coughing just once. He really didn’t need all this right now.

“James,” he continued,” if you truly feel that way towards him, maybe I can help you,  _get him_.” He finished confidently. The confidence in that voice made James look up just that bit and in Clements almost beady green eyes he saw something akin to  determination- that lifted up his spirits and gave him the idea that maybe all was not lost- maybe he still had a chance, maybe he could still try.

“Okay, yes I admit it.” He said very quietly not looking into Clement and for some strange reason, he felt a thousand pounds lighter.

Then an awkward silence ensued.

“Come to think of it, it was kind of obvious, though- it’s just people thought you were straight and all,” Clement added amused or that’s what he sounded like because James still refused to look him in the eye.

Some more silence.

“Clement, are you really going to help me?”

The sheer emotion in James’ voice almost broke Clement- it surprised him, he supposed that the feelings went even deeper than he thought them to be. It was so melancholic and Clement knew that feeling- and he didn’t want James to go through the same thing. He made up his mind- he was going to make sure that James got Severus. What were friends for after all?

“I promise, I will, I promise- I have one too many ideas in this big head of mine to go to waste, so don’t you even worry,” Clement finished as he patted James’ back.

_I promise, James, I’ll help you get what I never had- I’ll help you get want you deserve._

And so slowly, ideas began to form in his head, one by one by one which would have to be dealt with individually and had a lot of intricate planning, but all in all, Clement knew what he was going to do and he would be damned as hell if he wouldn’t help James get Severus with a bang.

“Well, I hope it works out because I don’t just  _like_  him.” James’ muffled voice said before he continued to say,” I  _love_  him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Bonnie, for encouraging me to write and of course my readers. You know who you are!  
> :-)


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